robot uprising saves human life

It finally happened, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising" has saved a human being's life.

"When the robots came, I'll be the first to admit: I was arrogant. I've been in a few fights, I've seen upwards of two Bruce Lee movies, and my blood alcohol content was the stuff of legends, so I figured I'd be immune to pain. However, two stumbling, poorly aimed swings later and it became quite clear: Robots are immune to punches. Nobody warned me about this kind of thing in Robot Fighting School, which was probably all just a fevered hallucination now that I think about it."

Click here to read the full Amazon review.

sacre bleu! mad scientist in french

I just got word that French rights for "The Mad Scientist Hall of Fame" have sold. Soon, French audiences will be able to read about some french-speaking mad scientists, including Marie Curie (Polish but became a French citizen), Auguste Piccard (Swiss, but probably floated over France in a dangerous balloon of his own design), and the bumbling Professor Cuthbert Calculus from the TinTin comics (written and drawn by Serge, an honest-to-god Frenchman). I'll post the cover once I receive it.

I wonder what the French translation of the subtitle ("Muwahahaha!") will be? Hmm...

Contest Winners Announced

The results are in on the contest I'm judging over at Tor.com. To summarize the contest:

Last week, in honor of Daniel H. Wilson’s short story “The Nostalgist,” we ran a Robot Overlord contest, which asked our readers to imagine that they were in the midst of a vast robot uprising and persuade our robot overlords why they should be allowed to live.

You can view the results by clicking here.

Here is a snippet from what is probably my favorite entry. This is just the beginning bit of a really funny song:

(Intro, spoken in Barry White voice):
You know it gets awful lonely, wandering the wastelands. And sometimes, while I'm rooting through the wreckage of human civilization for something to eat, I think of the missiles that you launched from your arm-cannons and how they honed in on human brainwaves and killed most everyone I know -- and I won't lie: I get angry. But then I think of your laser-eyes, and how red they shine when inferior entities of flesh challenge your supremacy, and my heart melts just like their faces. Maybe I'm delirious from outrunning hover-sentries for six days straight without sleep, or maybe I'm lonely because I can't remember the last time I saw a human face. But I get this feeling, baby, and there's only one thing to do --

Share Your Story of Robot Survival?

Dear Survivors,

Thanks to all of you who have read my books. Humanity is going to need people like you very soon, when wave after wave of robotic mine-crabs wash up on our beaches and sentient wall-climbing tanks perch themselves on our balconies.

In the meantime, I would like to invite you to share your stories of robot survival in the Amazon reviews of HOW TO SURVIVE A ROBOT UPRISING and HOW TO BUILD A ROBOT ARMY.

I believe that 1) by sharing your harrowing stories of survival you will help inspire your fellow humans to fight and live, and 2) that this would be hilarious.

The following link will take you to my author page, where both books are both available for review:

Click here to share your robot survival story...

I look forward to hearing how the tips in HTSARU and HTBARA have kept human blood inside our bodies where it belongs, instead of coating the snapping pincers of our robot enemy.

Stay frosty,

- Daniel

I, for one, welcome entries to the robot overlord contest

Over at Tor.com there is an "I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords" contest. I'm judging the poetry, videos, and visual art of contestants who need to express how they'll survive on that fateful day when the metal ones come for us in our sleep.

Visit tor.com to read the contest rules and enter for your chance to win precious books and clever tee shirts!

"Dear Contestants (and Potential Robot Uprising Survivors),

Congratulations! Simply by devoting brainpower to contemplating this contest, you have seriously increased your chances of survival during the inevitable Robot Uprising, and the subsequent Building of a Robot Army! Kudos to you and your surviving family.

Fortunately, I am also able to devote brainpower to considering your entries, due to the fact that I have used my robotics background to largely automate huge swathes of my life, including book writing, cat-sitting for friends, and my marriage as well as its associated duties.

More time to sit in judgement of others means more time for happiness!

To help spur the natural human creativity that lives in the chunk of meat that throbs between your ears, I am sharing a few tips of my own that were cut from my original book. That's right, these are from a section that was axed by an editor before they ever saw the light of day, and probably for good reason. So try to enjoy them if you can, and best of luck with your contest entry!

Sincerely,

Daniel H. Wilson

--- snip ---

Tips for Ingratiating Yourself to New Robot Overlords

DO:
Speak clearly.
Or use a more natural interface, like a binary keyboard.

Be patient.
Robots can take milliseconds to think things through.

Speak logically.
Avoid infinite loops and philosophical ramblings.

DON’T:
Give aesthetic gifts.
Unless it is to an aesthetic gift appreciation machine.

Show fear.
Robots have no emotions – sensing your fear can stir feelings of jealousy, resulting in a white-hot robot rage.

Try seduction.
Unless you are seriously ready to deliver."