August 5, 2009

I, for one, welcome entries to the robot overlord contest

Over at there is an "I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords" contest. I'm judging the poetry, videos, and visual art of contestants who need to express how they'll survive on that fateful day when the metal ones come for us in our sleep.

Visit to read the contest rules and enter for your chance to win precious books and clever tee shirts!

"Dear Contestants (and Potential Robot Uprising Survivors),

Congratulations! Simply by devoting brainpower to contemplating this contest, you have seriously increased your chances of survival during the inevitable Robot Uprising, and the subsequent Building of a Robot Army! Kudos to you and your surviving family.

Fortunately, I am also able to devote brainpower to considering your entries, due to the fact that I have used my robotics background to largely automate huge swathes of my life, including book writing, cat-sitting for friends, and my marriage as well as its associated duties.

More time to sit in judgement of others means more time for happiness!

To help spur the natural human creativity that lives in the chunk of meat that throbs between your ears, I am sharing a few tips of my own that were cut from my original book. That's right, these are from a section that was axed by an editor before they ever saw the light of day, and probably for good reason. So try to enjoy them if you can, and best of luck with your contest entry!


Daniel H. Wilson

--- snip ---

Tips for Ingratiating Yourself to New Robot Overlords

Speak clearly.
Or use a more natural interface, like a binary keyboard.

Be patient.
Robots can take milliseconds to think things through.

Speak logically.
Avoid infinite loops and philosophical ramblings.

Give aesthetic gifts.
Unless it is to an aesthetic gift appreciation machine.

Show fear.
Robots have no emotions – sensing your fear can stir feelings of jealousy, resulting in a white-hot robot rage.

Try seduction.
Unless you are seriously ready to deliver."